A year ago, as the vaccine roll out began, we were looking forward to getting back to normal. Six months ago, as the delta variant took hold, a few voices said that maybe it will feel quite normal to get a Covid 19 booster with the flu shot every year. Now, as vulnerable people are getting their fourth shot, it is sinking in that the old normal is not coming back, and the new normal has a totally different shape.

From time to time over the past year, we've tentatively explored the shape of the new normal. I have appreciated on-line offerings, things I could not have participated in if that option was not offered. From poetry readings to presentations on editing for diversity, I have benefited by listening in from the comfort of my own home. Some of these I would have gotten to. Most were too far away. I am hoping that some on-line options will be offered when getting together in person is possible again.

Many of us have gotten pretty good at meeting through an online platform. We'd be okay with not having to drive for meetings. But I am also aware that not everyone has access to adequate internet and not everyone is computer savvy. Not everyone has a computer. Even as I advocate for online options, it is important to take stock of who is left out.

Checking out a Sci-Fi/Fantasy convention I hoped to participate in, I discovered that they are planning to meet in person. A few sessions will be live streamed so that people can participate virtually, but they really want to get back to in person gatherings where the conversations in the hallway can be as good as the ones in the meeting. Back to normal.

Except for making space for online meetings, I don't think we've been stepping back to take a look at the big picture. I don't think we've been dreaming about the shape of the new normal. Through 2021, we just kept hoping that we'd turn the corner and come out of this. Now that we suspect we are not going back, we're tired. We're discouraged. We're worried. Will we all have to get a booster every three months? We don't have energy to dream.

Someone quoted a friend who says that it feels safe to ask questions when you feel you belong. We don't feel safe in this new world of Covid 19. We don't feel like we belong in this space where restrictions keep shifting. Because we don't feel safe, we are not asking ourselves what this new normal might look like.  

Working in churches that depended on fundraising to pay the monthly bills, my salary, most of what we did was serve food. Each church developed signature suppers and fed hundreds of people. These fundraisers stopped in March 2020 leaving congregations struggling. (Some with big enough kitchens for people to work were able to shift to take out meals.) Federal support programs helped some get through. Financial pressure may push others to make changes.

Other organizations rely on fundraising as well. Sponsored walks have become popular for organizations like Safe n' Sound. Their "Coldest Night of the Year" walk included gathering for soup after the walk, at least in the first year. That could not happen in 2021 or this year. The walk is now virtual, that is you plan your own route, and there is no check in. That means some of the energy of seeing other participants is lost, but part of their pivot is a listing of teams with cool names and a gallery of pictures from last year.

That kind of pivot, a small adjustment, works in the short term, but it holds on to the hope of going back to the big event we used to know. Pivoting is not the same as dreaming.

I don't want to make people feel guilty for not dreaming. We're tired. We don't feel safe or like we belong, which makes asking questions hard. But maybe we can hold space for one another, creating opportunities to say, "I wonder if...." Maybe necessity will open us to new options. And maybe we just have to wait and see what comes.

Cathy Hird lives on the traditional territory of the Saugeen Ojibway Nation