- by Chris Serre

Hey, just read your article and I must say sorry first off for the terrible joke I made when you asked me to watch your drink. Ya, poor me, oh well ...

Um, idk, I guess when someone tells a story, other people also like to share their stories. Not to compare or compete hopefully, but maybe to just relate and understand. Welp, here goes ...

So my dad died five years ago last November, and leading up to that I was hitting the bottle pretty hard as usual. Some close friends convinced me I was depressed, and after a no call, no show for a week at work, I decided to go to the doctor to get a note so I wouldn’t get fired. The walk-in clinic convinced me to go to therapy and that convinced me to go on a medication. Worst idea ever. First night, took my recommended meds and then went out for dinner and got loaded after, even though I knew, don’t mix new drugs with alcohol. Got home, nearly black out, but I do remember everything, which is almost the worst part. Got home, grabbed my roommates alcohol. And went to town on my new anxiety pills and sleeping pills. Luckily my roommate found me in the morning and took me to the hospital…… and the story continues

So that was the first time I tried to kill myself. And I’ve never told anyone about this. You are the lucky numero uno. Sorry to burden you with this information. So anyways, I can’t remember when was the second time I tried to kill myself was, but it was the same story. Increase your pills, don’t feel right. Go crazy, take all your pills, that you now know you can’t overdose on, and back in the hospital in the morning. Ahhhhh fock. Life right? So it continues again, but kind of in a better direction. My dad died, alcohol wasn’t working for me anymore and I just found someone who could get me some coke. But that shit is expensive and hard to find, so most nights it was meth. And then…… I got sober, for about six months the first time. But going through a rebirth like that is hard, hard to find purpose really. And I still couldn’t cut it. But I figured this time I would earn my death. I would starve myself and say my goodbyes along the way. Not so easy. Not with your cousin tickling your feet and cooking up some damn fine roti……

I should also mention, the side effects of depression medication is what led to me going off of the medication. I was getting way too black out drunk. I couldn’t have sex, and the mood swings were unbearable. They couldn’t get my dosage right and took forever to get an appointment to see a doctor to get the dosage changed. And when I went off of the medications, I got the worst withdrawals, worse than meth. You get brain zaps and the anxiety and uneasiness is the worst, it feels like it will never end. And then two days later, you start to feel better, but it takes months to recover from the damage the meds do to you. Heck, it took me almost a year to find my balance again after quitting alcohol. Mix in a couple concussions from hockey, and I have no idea what is real anymore……

Like seriously, I have no idea if this is a dream, and I’m already dead from one of the times I tried to kill myself. I sometimes talk to myself when I’m busy working, but I often wonder if I always talk to myself out loud, and I don’t realize it. And everyone is listening to my crazy ramblings, but people are just too polite to say anything. Or even worse, what if I’m a R$&@#€, because everyone around me can communicate with telepathy and I can’t. And everyone is constantly laughing at me because they keep reading my dumb ass thoughts?

But the reality is, none of that matters. It does not matter what others think of you, what they say about you, or even the nasty things they do behind your back. It is none of your business what others think about you. You are a mother, goddess and a warrior. And also an empath and clairvoyant. You may struggle too often, but your intentions are pure. Don’t let others project their problems onto you. Stand strong and tall in your own truth. Look deep within yourself to find your deepest desires. Live in YOUR truth and light, and don’t ever be afraid to dance, sing, and smile.

Like dominoes or a house of cards, the first step to any journey, the push you didn’t want to do, the almighty gust of wind from the wings of the eagles, and the power displayed from the great wave, as it breaks to shore, rebounds, and carries on forever, never stopping its journey.

We are the human body, tortured by food, sleep, and want. We are the mind, given the gift of choice, between good and evil. And we are the spirit, giving us hope for a better day. Master these things, and you will find the light. The light inside all of us that makes us equal. The one true power. One Love.