Thirty years ago this August, the United Church apologized to First Nations peoples for not honouring Aboriginal spirituality and culture. The church acknowledged that in its practice and structures it had confused Anglo-European culture with the core of Christian spirituality. You can read the apology on the UCC website, but part of it reads, "We did not hear you when you shared your vision. In our zeal to tell you of the good news of Jesus Christ we were closed to the value of your spirituality. We imposed our civilization as a condition of accepting the gospel. We tried to make you be like us and in so doing we helped to destroy the vision that made you what you were."

Coming to the place where these words could be spoken was hard work. A series of consultations and conversations had opened up the stories of hurt and uncovered the way the church's structure pushed aside First Nations culture and spirituality. The apology confessed those mistakes.

Those who heard the apology received it rather than immediately accepting it. Some in the non-Aboriginal church found this confusing. The reaction to "I'm sorry" is supposed to be forgiveness.

But those who received the apology understood that forgiveness is not simple. Aboriginal people were already working on the part of forgiveness that was their work: releasing anger, seeking healing, and dreaming a new way to be in the church.

The non-Aboriginal church had different tasks to take up: to deepen the understanding of what the apology meant, and to change the church structures and practices. The church needed to make space for Aboriginal ways of doing things, from training for ministry to organizing the institution.

In 1988, two years later, a representative of the First Nations people in the church acknowledged the apology stating the hope that a new respectful partnership could be grown. Again, the full text is on the UCC website, but in part it reads, "The Native People of The All Native Circle Conference hope and pray that the Apology is not symbolic but that these are the words of action and sincerity. We appreciate the freedom for culture and religious expression. In the new spirit this Apology has created, let us unite our hearts and minds in the wholeness of life that the Great Spirit has given us."

The church took up the task of living into the apology. This included opportunities to sit together and learn each other's stories. In these circles, the history of residential schools was spoken aloud. The painful truth of abuse in those schools was laid open. The mis-guided intention to eliminate First Nations culture and language was made clear.

Based on this sharing, a second apology was made for the practice of taking children out of their communities and putting them in these schools. The church joined the push for a national apology and for the Truth and Reconciliation Commission (TRC). That commission finished its work a year ago.

It is the anniversary of the TRC's presentation of their recommendations that led the UCC to remember our apology this month. We are still living into the confession made in 1986, and the TRC's report provides work that, if we take it on, will help us on the journey into right relations.

Being part of this journey has helped to build my understanding of forgiveness. I have learned that forgiveness is not something we give to another. First, forgiveness is about ourselves. When the one who is injured forgives, they let go of the hurt and anger. When the one who did the injury apologizes, it is an acknowledgement of the wrong done and the commitment to seek a new way.

The gift of this is that we can forgive even when the other does not see the wrong: we can let go of what was done to us.

The other gift is that when we hurt someone who is clinging to their anger, we can still confess, still recieve God's forgiveness, forgive ourselves, and seek a new way to live.

And in those precious moments when forgiveness is mutual, a space opens up to explore together a new way to build relationship and community. This is not "forgive and forget" but "confess, forgive and get to work."

Cathy Hird is a farmer, minister, and writer living near Walters Falls.