Some years ago, I worked with a small committee on a delicate personnel matter. At our first meeting, one member told us that we needed to know that they were an extrovert. They warned us that "I say things out loud and then we look at what I said together. Only then do I decide whether I agree with what I said or not."

It was really helpful for them to share this. Otherwise, when they said something difficult, I might have been tempted to argue. Instead, we would think together out loud about their thought and pick it up or cast it aside.

I'm not that kind of extrovert. I have a bit of that quality in that I am able to interact on the fly with an idea that someone puts forward. Recently, someone was talking about Plato's ideas about philosophy and poetry, and I jumped in over my head to talk about how poetry is understood in modern times. This was a time when I had not thought through my ideas ahead of time but interacted with what was being suggested.

In that conversation, I did not get very far. I am a concrete thinker not a philosopher. Other times, a conversation touches on ideas I have thought about in the past, and I can jump in to a lively discussion and learn from the interaction of ideas.

Really, I am more of an introvert. I like to have time to think through what I think. I may do that in my head, following a train of thought and logic to a conclusion that makes sense to me. I often do my thinking with pen and paper or, as I am doing as I write this column, with a computer on my lap. Only when I am satisfied that the idea makes sense, and that I believe it, will I share it.

I'm not a complete introvert, however. With a sermon, I think through an idea or a story, plan how to communicate the point, but I always have a particular moment in time and particular people in mind. Another time and audience, the emphasis will change. The idea will be nuanced differently.

Generally, when I share a thought, the idea is presented to be interacted with. The intention of sharing is for other people to engage the idea and decide what effect it has on their thinking. This can be challenging when someone disagrees and pushes back. At those times, I presented something I believed and could defend, but I have had to listen to the reasons another person did not like what I had said or wrote.

I do know some true introverts. These are people who take the time and space to think through their thoughts inside their heads. They work out what they've seen and what they believe and where their values land. Only when it is really clear to them, do they share what they think. They are sure of what they said. They made sure they were sure before they spoke.

With an introvert, it can be challenging to question or challenge their words. Here I find that putting into the conversation a piece of information that they may not have known or considered is helpful. "Does this shift your thinking in any way?" is a question that can make this conversation less of a personal challenge. But it is important to know that this can be hard for the person because they did not share their thought until they had worked it through completely in their head.

We often talk about styles of communication, ones we find easy to interact with, ones we find difficult. But there are also styles of thinking, different ways in which we work through our thoughts. For conversations and cooperative work to go smoothly, we need to understand each others' way of thinking. The person I mentioned at the beginning had learned that their thinking style sometimes caused an argument unnecessarily. Being aware and upfront about how our thinking happens helps interactions. And when an extrovert and an introvert work closely together, patience is the name of the game.

Cathy Hird lives on the shore of Georgian Bay.