Shared with permission: see acknowledgement below.
It is our job to support and accompany men. We know from experience that crisis situations increase the risk of losing control and becoming violent. With this survival kit we want to help you stay calm during the Corona crisis.
What you should know: Not being able to move around freely. Being restricted. Feeling caged. All these things are a challenge. It’s completely ok and normal ●to feel powerless, insecure and as if you’re not in control ●to be afraid of the virus ●to feel crowded at home – or to feel isolated and have a hard time withoutsocial contacts and intimate relationships ●to worry about your health, family or financial and professional future.
All this is stressful and limits your ability to take care of yourself and empathise with others. Being stressed out restricts ones’ views and feelings. It is tempting to look to others for blame.
But these emotions are no reason or excuse for taking your frustrations out on others. You remain responsible for your reaction to feeling overwhelmed, insecure or angry. Violence is never a solution. Say no to violence.
What you can do against stress Here are some suggestions for dealing with stress. Start with the recommendation that you like the best.
1 Accept what you can’t change. Rebelling against Corona doesn’t make any sense and will only cost you energy. Instead, try to fill your time with meaning: This is a new experience – an adventure.
2 Give yourself what you need. Treat yourself and give yourself something to look forward to every day. ●Listen to music, read a book, make notes of what is bothering you. ●Remember the good times you had in your life. Make photo albums. ●Go outside and spend time in naturew hile you still can. ●Do sports. Work off your energy. This is something you can even do in very small spaces. ●Talk to friends and colleagues. Let them know how you are doing. ●Relax – You can do meditation, breathing exercises, rituals, prayers – whateverworks for you. You can find ideas to try out online, for example on YouTube. ●Limit your access to news and media consciously.
3 Clean up.Daily and weekly plans help focus. Challenge yourself to different tasks. Support yourself and others.
4 Share your thoughts and feelings. Have the courage to share your feelings and needs with your partner (e.g. closeness and tenderness, space for yourself).
5 Be aware of your boundaries.Say so when you feel pressured, cornered or annoyed. You are allowed to set boundaries.
6 Acknowledge what is happening inside of you.To take control of your issues, you must be aware of them.
7 Do emergency planning.Find out how you can calm yourself down when everything feels like too much. Here are some ideas: භGo outside – to the park, onto your balcony or at least to another room. භBreathe evenly – 5seconds in, 5 seconds out.Repeat until you feel calmer භMove – If you can’t go outside, do push-ups, jump,run in your stairwell භGet yourself a glass of water or eat something භLie down and close your eyes.
8 Be aware of your warning signs and use your emergency planning in time. Warning signs may be cursing, shaking, sweating, screaming, etc. Take them seriously. You need to act now.
9 Allow yourself to ask for help. Below are some contacts to which you can reach out.Take a first step.
10 Take your injuries and hurts seriously. Get the support you need if you are experiencing psychological or physical violence.
Last but not least: Drugs and alcohol are a risk. If you use them, limit yourself. If you don't, you will only harm yourself and increase your chances of losing control.
In Grey-Bruce, here are our resources: The Mental Health Crisis Line: 1-877-470-5200; The Men’s Program: 519-372-2720;
Phone 211 And the resources listed here: http://cmhagb.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/05/Where-to-find-help-in-Grey-Bruce.pdf
This article is a prevention contribution by the umbrella organizations for work with boys, men and fathers in Switzerland (www.maenner.ch), Austria ) and Germany (www.bundesforum-maenner.de). In collaboration with the Agredis Lucerne office (www.agredis.ch), the züri mannebüro (www.mannebuero.ch) and the Bern anti-violence office (www.fachstellegewalt.ch). Made possible by the national program MenCare Switzerland.
