When tired and under pressure, I can get pretty irritable at home. I can grumble about anything. Get in my way, or don't offer to help, or do something that I usually find just mildly annoying, and there can be an outburst.

While I get irritated at home, at work, the pressure and the people don't annoy me nearly as much, at least in any way that I let show. And it isn't just because of the work I do. That kind of public space limits outbursts and pushes for respect and understanding. Disagreement has to be addressed with careful words, and all points of view need to be heard. When something happens we disagree with, there are proper processes to resolve it. If a person is constantly irritated with their co-workers, if people are always grumbling, and if angry outbursts are common, the place becomes toxic. Everyone is unhappy.

Once, when I was almost at the end of one job, I found myself losing my temper twice. The two co-workers had not done anything different than usual; I had put up with the problematic behaviours for a long time. Something put holes in my calm, the agreement to be nice to each other was ending, and I told them what I thought.

When I look back at what gets under my skin, I know that it's more about me than the other person. They are just being themselves, and when I get angry about it, it's because my peace of mind is not as strong. For me, anger and irritation are clues that I need to step back, slow down, rest. Sometimes, the negative reaction helps me to see something that is not flowing right and needs attention, but making changes requires patience, calm, and understanding of the other.

When someone attacks us, anger is appropriate. But again it may not be something we are free to express. It sits inside. We tend to teach children that anger is wrong. We tell adults that they should not be angry. As a result, we don't know what to do with the anger we feel, and the emotion can become agression: we may discharge it without choosing our target. Anger can cause us to shut down, triggering depression.

There are situations in our world which trigger passionate anger. When a child is humiliated or a frail senior is abused, anger is the proper reaction. When one group is constantly ridiculed or ostracized anger is triggered. But again, because we are taught that anger is wrong, we may not feel free to express our reaction. The anger may be pressed down and hidden, cutting into us.

Recently, I ran across the phrase "metabolize anger." I discovered it is a pretty common theraputic suggestion, and it spoke to me of a way to understand the value of anger.

The suggestion begins with the idea that anger is not wrong. Anger has a place. It is a clue. It needs to be brought out into the open, put into words, expressed in painting and poetry. Rather than just discharged as rage or buried deep inside, the emotion can be laid out for us and others to see.

And once anger is expressed, it can addressed. The cause can be identified. If it is in us, the process gives us something to work on. If it is in the world, the anger can motivate change. If the problem is huge, we may not see a path to change, but expressing the feeling can draw allies. We may have to carry the sense of need for a long time, but we won't carry it alone, and we won't carry it blindly with the anger burning us from the inside.

I don't want to eat my anger, feeding the sense of irritation so it becomes unbearable. I do want to let go of minor irritations by taking time away from the situation, by slowing down and relaxing. When it is serious, I want to metabolize it, transform it into something that helps me deal with the world and bring more peace, more justice, at least to myself and hopefully to the world right around me.

Cathy Hird is a farmer, minister, and writer living near Walters Falls.