- by Angus Wright

I appreciated a recent article on benevolent sexism for a number of reasons. I feel the author was absolutely correct in saying that it's part of our culture. When I looked at a recent Owen Sound Hubbub Facebook post about the Chesley Kinsmen steak fundraiser, the comments that resulted, and then a post about the benevolent sexism and its subsequent comments, it appears clear that it's an ongoing issue and concern.

Last week I presented a module about worldview and culture to a group of folks learning about peer support for a non-profit agency. I referenced Edward T Hall's "Iceberg Concept of Culture" from 1976 where he proposed that culture has two components and that only about 10% of culture (external or surface culture) is easily visible and the majority or 90% (internal or deep culture) is hidden below the surface. Unfortunately in our culture, through deep rooted beliefs, location, and combined lived experiences it would seem society doesn't provide men much opportunity to realize the importance of unlearning and relearning how toxic and limiting sexism is even for men.

The steak fundraiser is an example. It's a great initiative, with great intention but the choice words of the organizers implied the pressure of measuring up to some mythical manly standard. This behaviour is not new. I'd say it's akin to the Fred Flintstones approach to communication, or the Little Rascals’ “no girls allowed” policy except, at the same time, the intention seemed clear on who's welcome and who isn't.

Sadly, these approaches simply activate our individual sense of context and meaning, causing a divide when folks bring up concerns or point out the needs for improvements in this area. In any case, a best practice might be considering that nobody needs to comment on other people's bodies. We all need to address, collectively and individually, the impact that toxic sexism, toxic masculinity, and systemic power/privilege has in the work we do to lift, build, and support communities.

I personally feel we should have an Emotional Labour Code in Canada, and if I ever started a political party (which I won't), I would call it the Emotional Labour Party of Canada. Thanks for raising these voices, creating a space for folks to share safely, and taking on the labour of
supporting a variety of views, even when they appear to be addressing some other unspoken concern or idea folks have.

Looking into Kin Canada, it appears to be an organization whose goals are to serve the community’s greatest needs. Their website lists excellence, pride, integrity, inclusiveness, and compassion as the organizational values and they state that one of their objectives is to promote and direct service work through fellowship in “a spirit of cooperation, tolerance, understanding and equality among all nations and peoples be fostered and that unity of thought and purpose throughout Canada be established toward this goal.” Kin Canada has been around for at least 100 years, boasting its National Canadian pride.

Our Canadian Federal laws protect everyone from discrimination on the basis of citizenship, race, place of origin, ethnic origin, colour, ancestry, disability, age, creed, sex/pregnancy, family status, marital status, sexual orientation, gender identity, gender expression, receipt of public assistance (in housing) and record of offences (in employment). I’m unable to tell which board meeting the article on the benevolence of sexism was referring to, but I feel it’s safe to say we need to hold our “leaders” to a higher level of scrutiny and accountability.

I grew up in Owen Sound, and have spent the last 25+ years living in our National Capital Region. Given the ideas, actions, and resulting work created by the recent “Freedom Convoy,” I would say today is a great day for making sure those who carry influence in our communities are ensuring that everyone is accountable, and accounted for.
Personally, I say we should let them have their steak and eat it too. With more than 25 years experience as a community organizer supporting the 2SLGBTQIA+ community, men experiencing violence, and folks experiencing mental health challenges, it’s safe to say we know where we aren’t invited. Sometimes there is a silver lining in seeing how an event is communicated. While it is never pleasant to experience discrimination, or the emotional labour associated to power and privilege, it is nice to identify spaces which are unsafe for folks by listening to potential dog whistles.

Boys will be boys, eh?